Fake gun gangsters

Photo courtesy of King County Washington Sheriff's Office.

There’s something about the need to project threatening power that drives criminals to use guns in crime. You pull one out and everyone listens to you. The threat of death or serious injury is so overwhelming that you take control of the victim and make them do what you want such as handing over their wallet. They could always use a cheap knife, but that requires the criminal to get up close and personal. A gun can do its thing from a few feet away and you don’t have to struggle with the person you shoot. Besides, I think even criminals have cut themselves a few times so the horror of doing it on purpose to somebody is too strongly ingrained in them. Nope, a gun is what you need.

The dangerous Mr. BeanBut of course, if you’re a criminal and you can’t get a real gun, what are you supposed to do? There’s always the option of using the old fingergun-in-the-hoodie-pocket trick. And if you’re too lazy to even do that one you can just say you have a gun and pat your waist to suggest the threat. By the way, both of those methods still get you the five year firearm minimum sentence even though no actual ‘firearm’ was involved.

But lets just say you’re a criminal with a felony record so you can’t go buy a real gun yourself. You probably don’t want to buy a real one anyway. Used real handguns can cost $400 or more. Check online at the huge sites like Gallery of Guns and see for yourself. The guns you buy have to be shipped to a local retailer where you have to pay some guy without a felony rap sheet to go show their ID, fill out forms, and get a fingerprint. It’s a little inconvenient. Plus, a real gun isn’t too cost effective if you’re planning to just throw it in the river after the robbery. The average bank robbery haul is supposed to be less than $1,000 so why waste half of it on something you can’t keep? There has to be a cheaper alternative.

And there is! Actually there are four (plus the looney option):

Legogun gangsters

Why not just make one yourself in your spare time? You’re an unemployed felon so you have lots of time on your hands anyway. Plus what could be cheaper than using some legos to make a fake gun?

Check out this legogun:

Photo courtesy of King County Washington Sheriff's Office.

The guy who used this one was standing on a sidewalk aiming it at cars as they passed by. He had stopped by the time a sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene, but as the deputy walked up the guy reached for his waist and started to draw his legogun. This understandably concerned the deputy who reached for his own real gun. It became a speed draw competition between a cop with a duty weapon and a legogunner. The deputy with the real gun was able to get off a couple of wild pot shots but luckily neither of them got hurt.

This legogun is more functional in the sense that you can rack the slide and pull the trigger, although that seems like a lot of extra work to do in the middle of a quick carjacking:

A real fancy legogun!

Replica gun gangsters

MGC XM177 AR15 M16 M4 Replica non firing RMI Tanaka Marushin 01.
MGC XM177 AR15 M16 M4 Replica non firing RMI Tanaka Marushin 01.

These kind of fake gun gangsters need to really look authentic. Probably because they plan one of those take-over robberies and the bank tellers are going to see the guns up close for a few minutes. You don’t want them to realize you’re carrying a cheap kid’s toy, now do you?

Luckily you can buy huge piles of replica guns without setting off the BATFE’s alarms. They’re relatively inexpensive, extremely realistic, and make you look seriously dangerous! Some of them fire little plastic pellets so that kids can pretend to kill each other in big quasi-military airsoft battles. Of course, some of these replica guns don’t do anything and are just for looks. But take a look at these two replicas and tell me if you think you could spot the difference in a dark alley:

Airsoft M4 replica firearm. It only shoots little plastic pellets, if it makes you feel any better.
Airsoft M4 replica firearm. It only shoots little plastic pellets, if it makes you feel any better.

The first one in the picture above is a non-firing imitation gun. Perfectly legal for the replica gun gangster to own but maybe a little expensive as they cost about a hundred bucks. The second one is an Airsoft replica of the military’s M-4 assault rifle. One would set you back all of $35 used. Maybe a really good one would cost about $60 new. Don’t believe me? Do a quick Google search for ‘airsoft m4’ and check it out for yourself. All you really have to do with the Airsoft model is to spray the orange muzzle piece with some black paint and you are good to go take down an armored car.

I admit that one of these in the hands of a scary looking teenager would really worry me. I don’t think we can blame police who react with real guns. It’s probably not what the replica gun gangsters are expecting though.

Kid gun gangsters

Kid's toy gunIf you’re really pressed for time and you can’t wait a few days for your Airsoft assault rifle to arrive by UPS, you only have one real option. You steal your little brother’s toy gun and spray paint it. Look at the kid guns in these pictures and tell me if you think they would work

Pretty realistic toy gun

You can buy this one for under $12.
You can buy this one for under $12.

You don’t even have to do a good paint job to get these guns looking evil and dangerous. Especially if it’s dark, you wave it around, and you look really mean.

Zip gun gangsters

Staple zip gunThese are not non-functional fakes like the others I discuss above. These could actually work, assuming you did a good job when making them. And if you did put some energy and thought into it, you could make one of these zip guns fire a real .22 caliber bullet that costs only a few cents. If you scrounge the parts for free these guns can be really cheap and menacing.

Small zip gun.Zip gun gangsters are going to be the low end criminal types trying to make it into the big leagues. They need to be able to actually shoot their guns, so they are a lot more dangerous than your part-time legogun gangster.

This one is a Supersoaker modified to shoot shotgun shells. It's how you take those neighborhood squirt gun fights up a notch!
This one is a Supersoaker modified to shoot shotgun shells. It’s how you take those neighborhood squirt gun fights up a notch!

Look at these things closely. Any dummy could make one of these although you have to admit the Supersoaker shotgun is pretty clever. There are plans for making these zip guns all over the internet which I am not going to post here for obvious reasons. Don’t do this at home kids. But take it from me that you can find out how to illegally make your own if you took a few minutes and gave it a weak try.

It’s amazing to me that you can make a basically functional firearm if you really wanted to. These zip guns are only limited by your imagination and the kinds of simple tools you can find in the garage. Or steal.

Looney gunners

062713.i5.fake_firearm1I almost missed this category but I’m glad I didn’t. Screwballs are always my favorites and these looney gunners are no exception. I think a large percentage of them end up regretting making a fake gun but I suppose hindsight is always 20/20, right? Anyway, insanity can be fun while it lasts and nothing is more enjoyable for a lunatic than making your own stupid looking gun, strapping it on, and riding around town pointing it at people which is what the genius who made the one to the right was doing recently. It doesn’t even really look like an actual firearm, although the guy was using a real firearm holster attached to his belt. I can’t decide if it took more work to make this model than it took to make the lego gun up above but my gut says it did.

-Samuel Owen

© Samuel Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.
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Author: Samuel Owen

This is my Lawyer Rant. I've put up with new associates trying to kill me, clients being dangerous idiots, and Judges being rude for far too long. It's time for me to tell it like it really is, and it feels good to give back.

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