Saggy pants

How does this guy keep them on?
How does this guy keep them on?

Apparently the City of Coca in Florida has outlawed saggy pants. It’s about time somebody did something. The first offense is only $25 but it is $50 for the second and $100 for every additional offense thereafter. I suppose the money isn’t a huge deal but here in my state you only get one chance to impress the Judge. Why do you want to look like an idiot who is going to a drunken underage party as soon as you get out of court? You can try to tell me saggy pants are fashionable but I think the trend passed you by about ten years ago and now you just look stupid.

The fact is, when you wear saggy pants you are telling everyone that your highest aspirations are to be a street thug. You are saying you are a minor drug dealer to kids at the mall who cut class. Here I am trying to save you from a four month stint in the county bed and breakfast and the best you come up with is saggy pants.

There’s a little bit of a trend going on lately regarding saggy pants people getting cited for contempt of court. I’m glad Judges are starting to do it. I shudder when I see clients come walking in and ‘sagging’ as the style is called on the street. Speaking of that, do you know where the saggy pants trend came from? Supposedly it originated in prison. No surprise there I suppose. But the story goes that belts are prohibited in the slammer because they could be weapons or used for suicides. No belt means your pants sag. Wearing saggy pants on the street became a way of broadcasting to everyone that you have been to prison so you’re tough. Stay away because you are dangerous. Maybe you are, buddy, but I don’t need you showing your rear end in court when your parents are paying me a lot to deal with your legal problem.

Don’t even get me started on women who go ‘whale tagging’ with saggy pants so that they can show off their sexy underwear. There is nothing more cringe-worthy at the courthouse except maybe really old nudists.

whale-tail-3

-Samuel Owen

Update: Louisiana’s Terrebonne Parish approved a law banning ‘saggy pants’ on April 10, 2013. It makes it a violation to wear pants and skirts in public that hang “below the waist” and “expose the skin or undergarments.” Violators will be hit with a fine of $50 for the first offense, $100 for the second, and $100 plus 16 hours of public service for each subsequent offense. “Hopefully, it’ll get these young men to pull up their pants,” council member Russell Hornsby said. Hornsby also said “The problem is our young men are emulating prisoners. It sends a sign that you’re available for sex. It’s a bad example to set.”

Supposedly the City of Cocoa, Florida has repealed its ban but other cities have taken up the crusade. Shreveport, LA, banned saggy pants recently, as did Lynwood and Colinsville, Illinois. The city of Albany, Georgia made about $4,000 in fines for saggy pants in 2011 alone.

Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.

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