As soon as you order an Arnold Palmer, everybody within earshot is going to think you’re in recovery. It’s not too far fetched as alcoholism runs rampant through the legal profession. Then one of the lawyers you didn’t know about is going to walk up to you with a friendly familiarity and tell you their sobriety date, out of the blue. The other ones bellying up to the bar are going to give you dirty looks because you threw a wet blanket on their party.
I wish it was different because an Arnold Palmer tastes really good. If I’m not drinking because I’m the designated driver or something like that, then I kind of like to order one. What’s not to like about freshly brewed black tea, some simple syrup, real handmade lemonade and a little bit of ice? I like mine with a squeeze of lime over the top but that’s strictly optional. Fresh mint is also awesome. The fact that these drinks are non-alcoholic doesn’t really register when they taste this good.
I haven’t tried many of the variations of a basic Arnold Palmer because I don’t want to. One time a friend had two made with lemon vodka and some other stuff and I basically didn’t drink it. I don’t have anything against vodka but I just don’t like to mess with a really good classic. In my experience, lawyers who order one of these don’t order anything different, either.
Of course, and lets be honest here, a lot of lawyers order these because they actually are trying to stay clean and sober. It wouldn’t be too far off the mark to say that these lawyers know what one of these drinks means to everyone and they are doing it on purpose. Maybe they’re trying to set a sober example and be a role model for the drunken sots in the firm. Maybe they’re trying to make being sober a topic of conversation without saying anything themselves. They’re waiting for the drunk at the bar to make some dumb joke so they don’t look preachy.
What it says about you: You’re now a sober lawyer and you have some wisdom to share about how the 12th step of the program feels.
Your hobby: You are into running and golf, plus making up for lost time with the family.
You wear: Nice, conservative clothes. Lots of brown and navy blue colors. Nothing showy you would have once worn out to the bars, but decent.
Your car: Now that you’re not blowing a pile of money on booze all the time, you bought a really nice car.