Frozen Margaritas

It’s always 5:00 o’clock somewhere for you. You are a fun party person and you never met a happy hour you didn’t like. You have somehow found a weird but profitable legal specialty that lets you kind of coast at the big firm or, more likely, you just took a job with the state and now you can sit back and relax.

You’re single, probably recently divorced, and you know the regulars at every Mexican restaurant in town. You can recite the list of the top forty versions of frozen margaritas from memory. Every spring you head to Puerto Vallarta or Cabo for a week’s vacation with someone new. You always bring back a straw hat or some cheap souvenir for your legal assistant. Mornings late in the week are rough for you because you had hit some dingy bar pretty hard the night before and you’re still working off all that Patron. You would drink a pot of that awful coffee sludge up front except that you really need to bite the dog that bit you. You keep a bottle of tequila in the bottom drawer for just these occasions.

Margarita people either end up as hardcore alcoholics and disappear when they lose their jobs or they make it through, get married and settle down. If they survive the Margarita phase and start a family, they will occasionally have a bender and go crazy at a friend’s bachelorette party. You can spot them because they’re leaning backwards over the bar while some creepy guy is drinking a tequila shot off their chest and the rest of the group is chanting “go, go, go!”

What your drink says about you: You are happy, you are really fun, and you are on the downhill slide familiar to every early stage alcoholic.

Your hobby: Waking up with someone new all the time.

You wear: Um, quite often nothing at all. But for work it’s a basic cheap suit you can wash in the sink every time you spill a drink during lunch.

Your car:  It’s red, it’s a two door convertible, and it cost more than a college education for a normal person.

-Samuel Owen

© Samuel Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.

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