Old Fashioned

The Old Fashioned just reeks of style and sophistication, even more so if you know how to make one the way Don Draper did in Season 3. The thing is, very few of the lawyers trying to choke down an Old Fashioned can carry it off with class, let alone mix one up themselves. If you don’t know they are made with sugar, muddled fruit, and bourbon. Kind of hard on the palate for the casual drinker. The 20-somethings ordering one of these look like wanna-be’s who can’t come up with something original of their own. Everyone in the bar knows you drink cheap beer by the case when you are out with your friends. Don’t try to be something you are not. You look goofy.

Besides, you’re a lawyer, not an advertising flack with slicked down hair. Of course if you did slick down your hair you would look gross. The whole thing is even worse if you try to wear one of those 50’s style hats. I mean, come on. Those things were in style 60+ years ago. Unless you’re wearing a really nice skinny tie and drove a classic ’63 Chevrolet to the party you aren’t going to pull it off. At best you’re going to look a little silly and stick out like you have no social skills. If you are lucky everyone’s going to think you’re doing cabaret dinner theater on the weekends to impress a girl. At worst, some old guy is going to come walking up and talk your ear off for an hour about how he was cool way back in the Kennedy years.

What it says about you: Either you’re money and you know it or, well, just stay home and save your date the embarrassment.

Your hobby: You know how to play canasta and drink an Old Fashioned after a round of golf or you’re so lame you’re painful to watch so who cares what your hobby is.

You wear: Perfectly tailored suits or one of those new style skinny retro outfits that make you look stupid. Don’t even try wearing a skinny tie unless you know you can pull it off.

Your car: A high end Lexus or a dumpy beat up relic you think makes you look cool, kind of like the wreck the Blues Brothers drove in that movie.

-Samuel Owen

© Samuel Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.

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