The water bottle

Water bottles are for law students working lousy hours as an indentured clerk. Every one of you in the world drinks your water from large plastic bottles with an oversized screw-on lid attached by a strap. You buy these from outdoor stores in the vain hope you will look like you actually lug them up mountains when you are not slogging through classes and writing research memos.

Most of the time that strap on the top has an imitation mountain climbing carabineer hanging from it so the bottle can be snapped to your ubiquitous book bag. You can’t use those things for actual mountain climbing, of course. They are just for show. Your water bottle also has stickers on in from causes like “Free Tibet” or campaign slogans for some politician you worked for in college.

You carry your water bottle around with you everywhere you go so you can sip water constantly. You think you will die if you don’t “stay hydrated.” I won’t even try offering to put your water bottle in the dishwasher in the break room. Your water bottle is your pacifier. You can’t be away from it for more than five minutes or you freak out.

What your drink says about you: You are an over-worked, under-paid, stressed out and occasionally obnoxious law clerk that always gets in our way. Your water bottle is your binky and you would melt down without it. Plus, the water helps you swallow those little blue pills the doc gave you so that you can make it through law school.

Your hobby: Studying.

You wear: You have one nice work outfit you put on every time something important happens at work. But mainly you have a couple of grubby law school sweatshirts and a bunch of worn out jeans.

Your car: A bike.

-Samuel Owen

© Samuel Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.

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