White Russian

Oh, what can I say about White Russians? Either you love them or you just didn’t get the movie. If I have to say which movie then you obviously didn’t get it.

When you first meet a lawyer drinking a White Russian  they are going to want to be funny. You’re probably going to try to be funny, too, and say something like “Hey Mr. Lebowski! Nice drink.”

They’re going to be ready for that one and if you’re lucky they’re going to say “Look, let me explain something to you. I’m not Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you’re not into the whole brevity thing.” Hopefully they can also do the hippie accent for you. Hey, the Dude abides.

Seriously, though, if you’re not into that movie and you’re drinking a White Russian you’re probably a woman in her early thirties and unmarried. I don’t know why those kinds of lawyers always drink White Russians but they do. It’s like a weird drug to that set. They always go for the White Russian when they’re not drinking Cosmos and talking about something naughty from their favorite episode of Sex and the City. They know they look hot in the short dress they are wearing, they have a great job, and they’re waiting for a text message from some friends about which wine bar they’re meeting at as soon as they can get away from this boring office party.

What it says about you: 1. You watch too many movies and don’t care what it says. Besides, you can’t be worrying about that stuff. Life goes on, man. 2. Good try but you’re way out of her league and she’s heading out to troll for single pediatricians or maybe plastic surgeons. But good luck anyway.

Your hobby: Oh, the usual. You bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

You wear: Comfy brown cardigans and bowling shoes for men. The women are wearing a little black dress you will be thinking about for a long time.

Your car: A classic four door 1973 Ford Torino. Or a nice white BMW.

-Samuel Owen

© Samuel Owen 2012. All rights reserved. Please read important notices and disclaimers by clicking here.

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