Welcome to my blog. It’s been a while since I updated things but I’m back to posting. I started writing all this because I have been putting up with new associates trying to kill me, clients doing really dumb things, and Judges being imperial jerks for far too long. I really needed to unload. I wanted to explain what it is really like to be an actual trial lawyer caught in the middle of all of this. To sit on my side of the table in my conference room. To stand up next to somebody in a courtroom during the whirlwind of some legal battle.
But then after I got started work got even worse and one thing led to another and then suddenly I realized it had been far too long since I sat down and started pounding out my stories on a keyboard. I quickly realized that I missed it. That I needed it. The last time I did this I told my friends that it felt good to write this down and to give back – to do onto others as they have so unfairly been doing unto me. This is my Lawyer Rant and what I need to do.
Writing this blog feels so good that I went back out to some of the storage units to dig through the piles and piles of closed file boxes. I generate something like ten to fifteen boxes of closed case files each year for the past 20 years so there is a lot of material to work with. While some of this stuff is tragic and some is just plain crazy, I’m telling you that you can’t make it up. I have barely scratched the surface (literally, just a couple of boxes on the top layer) but oh boy do I have some fun stuff to share.
People sometimes tell me that they understand what it’s like to deal with some of this stuff but they ask why I write about it. Well the fact is that all of the pain and suffering from everyone else’s problems have been piling up on me for so long that parts of me are growing old and dying. I’ve tried other ways to let it loose but I tell you, nothing works. The way I see it is that either I pay far too much for a psychotherapist to keep asking me how I really feel, or I write it all down and get rid of it.
I’ve never liked all that touchy-feely therapy stuff anyway, so you, my friend, get to read all about what it’s like to be a street lawyer. Read on, because I’m going to tell you how I really feel about clients and life in law firms on topics such as:
Gifting Circles and why they are illegal
Legal issues that have been in the news lately
How to identify lawyers by their favorite drinks
Good, solid advice to newbie lawyers
and the surprisingly popular:
Hopefully these stories also bring you a laugh or a chuckle, even if it’s through the tears the way I experienced most of this. Sometimes it felt like it the things I write about were going to kill me at the time but like the song says I finally made forty and I’m still wearing jeans.
One last thing: Everything in my blog is true, at least as far as I can tell. I have the files, pictures, and police reports to prove it. Oh sure I’ve changed a few things here and there so the events are more logical to understand. Drunken clients have a habit of telling you the wrong things on occasion. Cops, prosecutors, and Judges try to do the same thing to suit their purposes. Most of the time I tell you when I have to straighten out the story, though. And of course I absolutely change the details whenever possible to protect the innocent victims. That’s only necessary a few times but I make no apologies for it. They have already suffered plenty and I still have enough of my humanity left that I refuse to cause them more hurt just to amuse you for a few minutes.
Other than that, you’re going to take a sometimes sad, sometimes stark, but always painfully true trip with me through the darkness of my work as a street lawyer. If you notice I’m writing about you in here and it hurts your feelings, well too bad. You richly deserve it. You made me miserable with your pathetic whining and personal problems. I’ve got plenty of problems of my own. Why should I have to solve yours also? You probably tried to stiff me on the bill anyway.
-Samuel Owen
Lawyer Rant 